Leatherman Skeletool Multitool

I just finished watching the classic horror film, "The Hollow." Okay, it's not such a classic. Actually it's pretty bad and filled with washed-up actors. Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you Judge Reinholdt fans? Mr. Fast Times played the hero's father, an angry football coach. I feel sorry for Judge having to resort to taking bit parts in third rate slasher flicks, but a man's gotta eat.

Let's count the cliches, shall we? Popular high school cheerleader is inexplicably attracted to Loner, nerd geek boy. Jealous football player ex-boyfriend threatens to pound his brains in. Old geezer janitor warns boy to stay away from the graveyard. Boy finally believes the stories when he's attacked by headless horseman. Oh, did I forget to tell you? This academy-award winner is about the modern day decendent of Ichabod Crane, the poor fella in Sleepy Hollow. Hey, it's hard to come up with new ideas for horror movies!

My favorite scene is where Boy makes cheerleader girlfriend hide in a boarded-up shack in the middle of the graveyard. Yeah, what a good idea! No need to check whether there are any dead bodies in there. (ah, yes, there are.) Cheerleader realizes this after she's locked herself in and has used her super-human cheerleader strength to tear the door knob off. She proceeds to scream and yell for help. What she really could have used is a Leatherman Skeletool Multitool.  She could have used its universal bit driver locking blade to reattach the door knob. Or she could have used the wire cutters to cut through the chicken wire covering the windows. I didn't actually see any chicken wire, but I just KNOW its there. Or she could have used the good ol' stainless steel blade to take care of her Loner, Nerd Boyfriend when he comes back for her.

The only problem with this movie was that almost all the stars lived. What kind of horror movie is that? I give "The Hollow" 1 star, and that's only because during the commercial breaks of the football game I had something to watch. I highly recommend this movie, er, multitool.

Garmin GPSMAP® 64 Handheld GPS

Trip to Sunny Lake

A Travelogue by Alex Smith

Day 1 - 6:30 am: What a glorious morning! An absolutely perfect day to go camping. I am so stoked! For the record, it's going to be me, my girlfriend Freda, our friend Mike and his son Luke. Our plan is to is drive to the Sunny Lake Wilderness Area, unload our gear and hike the 10 miles into Sunny Lake. Everyone is in good spirits.

Day 1 - 8:30 am: Made it to Sunny Lake Wilderness Area. It took a little longer than expected due to a minor delay. As we were driving, Freda swore that a small rodent of some kind--she thinks an opossum--ran in front of our car. She was sure we hit it, so we pulled over and inspected the front of the vehicle. As no animal was found, Freda began to search the tall grass along the road for the injured creature. After no such road kill was found, we resumed our trip. And we're here! Let's get going!

Day 1 - 10:30 am: Halfway to Sunny Lake! Getting this far took longer than expected, since Mike and Freda had to keep switching off helping me portage the canoe. (I really wish I had gone with the Kevlar model.) Luke was no help at all even though he was perfectly capable. I don't know why Mike puts up with that attitude. Freda humming the theme to "Deliverance" is also starting to grate on me just a tad. But no worry...in just a short while we'll be at beautiful Sunny Lake!

Day 1 - 12:30 pm: We should be there by now, but it started to rain about an hour ago and everyone just HAD to get their rain gear on. What's the big friggin' deal about a little rain? And Luke is such a whiner - "I'm cold!" "I'm wet!" "I'm hungry!" I don't think he's got the camping bug yet. We'll get him turned around as soon as he sees how great Sunny Lake is!

Day 1 - 2:15 pm: We must have taken a wrong turn a while back because I can't see Sunny Lake anywhere. Mike was SO adamant about taking that left fork a few miles ago. I told him the path clearly went to the right, but no, Mike ALWAYS has to have his way. I sure hate the fact that he's so selfish. He must drive his wife mad. I'm glad Freda isn't like that. Now Luke is just sitting on the ground listening to his I-pod. What a little Sh**. I'm sure we're not more than a half-mile to Sunny Lake. I can feel it!

Day 1 - 3:45 pm: We've retraced our steps but can't seem to find where the fork in the path was. Freda is complaining that she wants to give up and go home. I KNEW she didn't like camping! What a fraud her Facebook profile was with all that "I really love camping" stuff. Yeah, camping in her bedroom eating bon-bons! I little exercise wouldn't hurt that XL ass of hers either. Mike says his shoulders are getting tired from carrying the canoe. He suggests we leave it and come back for it tomorrow. Yeah right! I'm not leaving my $2500 canoe out here for any numskull to take!

Day 1 - 4:15 pm: Mike, Luke and Freda are all headed back to the car. A bunch of jerks if you ask me! All I wanted to do was show them how GREAT camping is, and how beautiful Sunny Lake is at dusk. That's just fine. I DO NOT NEED THEM AT ALL! The joke is on them though. I've got the keys to the car!

Day 1 - 6:50 pm: Not quite sure where I am. It's getting pretty dark out though and this damn canoe is so friggin' heavy. WHY DID I BRING A CANOE? I've decided to leave the canoe here and come back for it later after I've set up camp at Sunny Lake.

Day 1 - 8:30 pm: It's pitch black out here. My headlamp batteries are dead. It's been pouring rain for 2 hours. The trail I've been following seems to have dead-ended. Where's that F***ing lake? Why didn't I buy that GPSMAP® 64 like Freda had suggested? I'd be out of this jam already. That thing has got everything--color screen, waterproof, 4 GB of internal memory and a microSD™ card slot, quad helix GPS receiver that tracks both GPS and GLONASS satellites simultaneously. I AM SO STUPID! I am definitely buying that if I ever get out of this mess!

Day 2 - 6:30 am: I had a miserable night last night. Tried to set up the tent but lost the poles in the darkness. Ended up just throwing it over me and sitting down. Woke up in a deep puddle with leaches all over me and a rash from something else. It's all Mike's fault. What a horrible friend. I miss Freda. She was the best thing I ever had.

Hang on...I hear voices...

It's Freda! I'm SAVED!

Day 2 - 6:35 am: This is Freda. Alex is an idiot. After I get him out of here with my GPSMAP® 64, I'm breaking up with him. And what's with this stupid travelogue?

Black Diamond Lightsabre Bivy

I have a friend, his name is Smitty. Smitty really likes his bivy.

What's a bivy you may ask?

A bivy is a tent, only smaller by contrast.

Smitty likes to camp all alone. He doesn't even bring a phone.

We ask him why he takes no one, and all he says is, "One is much more fun!"

He has no need for other folks, 'cause then he'd have to share his smokes.

So off he goes all light and giddy, into the woods with his little bivy.

No more rhymes, we promise, okay? Here's the description without further delay. (Sorry...it's just so much fun.)

The Black Diamond Lightsabre is a super-light bivy for the gram-counting minimalist concerned with comfort. The Lightsabre combines the Bibler Tripod Bivy design with ultralight, highly packable EPIC water-repellent, breathable canopy fabric and a waterproof SilNylon floor. Three DAC Featherlite aluminum poles lift the canopy off your sleeping bag and away from your head and feet. The Lightsabre has a large zippered entry with a mesh window above your head and a mini-mesh vent under the foot-box awning to keep the critters out and allow fresh air in. Stuff sack included.

Thinksport Bottles

I'll admit. I drink a lot of water. Did you know that you're supposed to get 8 - 8 oz. glasses of water a day? I'm not exactly sure what happens if you don't, but it probably has something to do with proper bladder function. Or perhaps you turn into a raisin. But let's face it, with all the sweet, sugary drinks out there, plain water is kind of...plain. In my amped up, thrill-driven, kinetic life, good ol' H2O just won't fly. So I have developed an affinity for the new flavored waters. I'll try any of the new flavors -- berry, kiwi, watermelon, even pineapple.

So when I heard about some new flavors coming out I was stoked. However, I had to admit I never heard of these new flavors -- with names like BPA, Phthalates, Cadmium, PVC, and Lead. These didn't sound too appetizing. So I got on a little thing we call the Internet and did me some searching around. Turns out these aren't flavors at all! These are just some wonderful added ingredients that come with drinking bottled water that comes in polycarbonate-based bottles. And it turns out they're not too good for you. Well, unless you like irreversible neurological damage, birth defects, cancer, or pulmonary emphysema. I'm trying to avoid these things myself.

So imagine my delight when I chanced into finding these cool Thinksport Bottles. They are free of all the aforementioned nasties and are instead made from stainless steel. Nothing wrong with stainless steel as far as I know. If it's good enough for surgeons it's good enough for me. The Thinksport bottles are double walled and vacuum sealed to keep your liquids (read: flavored water) cold or hot without sweating. (Never let your bottle sweat.) AND it comes with a drinking spout and internal screen to hold in ice or tea leaves while drinking. So kind of those folks to think of that.

Red Ledge Acadia Rainsuit for Kids

Congratulations, Timmy Johnson!

You have been selected as a George Washington Elementary Crossing Guard! You will be given an official orange vest and large ” School” flag to be used in the process of performing your duties.

Duties include securely escorting other children to George Washington Elementary. You will have to purchase an official Red Ledge Acadia Rainsuit for use during inclement weather. (Inclement weather means when it’s raining or snowing.)

If you continue in this position until the end of the year, you are eligible to win a trip to our National office in Washington DC! Here you will join with other Crossing Guards to view all the wonderful monuments and sites that the Capitol City has to offer. And just think, you’ll get to hold this over your brother for your entire life!

Congratulations, Timmy, on being awarded this prestigious position. We hope you’ll do your best.

See you in Washington!

Sincerely,

Mr. Donald Smith
National School Crossing Guard Foundation (NSCGF)

Black Diamond Apollo Lantern

Dear Doctor:
Thanks again for all you’ve been doing to help me with my anger problems. I really think I’m making some good progress as of late. I did want to run something by you though, just to get your take on it since you’re a professional. A buddy of mine recently went camping with his wife to a very remote area of an unnamed forest. (I don’t want to bother you with details.) All the way the wife was bitching (from what he said) about how far it was, whether he packed her the Go Anywhere Privacy Shelter (she can’t stand to go potty outside), and other annoying, grating conversation. So they get to the campsite and my buddy starts to put up the tent. He’s got it all done and staked in, when his wife says, “I don’t want it under that tree. What if it falls?” So he does a little grumbling and moves it. Then the wife says, “It’s too close to the stream. What happens if it floods?” Now my buddy is getting really irate, but he moves it again. Just then the wife says, “It’s too close to the…” But she doesn’t get to finish, because my buddy whacks her in the head with a shovel. So now my buddy has a problem. It’s getting dark out and he’s got to do something with her. But he can’t see anything. What’s the right thing for my buddy do?
Thanks for your advice on this, Doc.
Sincerely,
Vincent
—————————————————————————————–
Dear Vincent,
Thank you for your recent letter. I must say it’s quite disturbing. Your buddy seems to have a very similar anger problem to the one you possess. As to what he should do with her I can’t really advise because I don’t have all the details of her condition (and I’m not really a medical doctor anyway–didn’t have the grades for it, so I doubt I could help her.) But I think I can help him with the issue of darkness. I recommend to all my “camping” patients that they get a Black Diamond Apollo Lantern. The Apollo is a bright, non-glaring, soup-can-sized backcountry lantern that is perfect for any campsite activities. It’s got a 3-watt LED and has a frosted globe which creates a bright, non-glaring light. It also comes with a dimming switch in case you don’t want to let the whole world know what you’re up to out there.
Please ask your friend to give me a call. Perhaps I can help him further. Remember, anything he tells me is strictly confidential (doctor-patient privilege) so he has nothing to fear.
Your doctor,
Dr. Phil Hurrup
p.s. The Black Diamond Apollo uses NRG Rechargeable Batter Kit or 4 AA alkaline batteries. Battery power meter displays charging status and/or existing battery life. Extended height: 9.5″ (240mm). Collapsed height: 5″ (127mm). Diameter: 3″ (75mm). Weight: 220g.

Vargo Shepard's Hook Titanium Stakes

March 17, 2009 Athens, Greece --Officials today unearthed one of Aesop's lost fables carved on a stone tablet that was found buried under a porta-potty near the Parthenon.

The fable is already being considered one of Aesop's greatest works. It is the story of a boy that told his father that he was going to travel the world to seek his fame and riches. With his father's blessing the boy packed his mule with all the things he thought he would need for the long journey. Among these items were his sleeping mat, an alpaca fur blanket, a pillow made of ostrich feathers, and a burlap tent. When his father asked him how he planned to secure the tent to the ground, the boy replied, "I will use these stakes made of chicken bones. They will hold." The wise father responded, "My boy, I love you, but you have the brains of an auroch if you think that will hold your tent in place. The gods test such travelers as you, and mark my word son, this will be your undoing." "Father, I appreciate your concern, but I am a man of the world now and must travel light to go as far as I possibly can," the son responded.

So off the boy went. The boy had traveled 30 nights without event, when he came upon a large outcropping of rock. "I shall make camp here tonight and start fresh tomorrow." The boy set up his tent and staked it to the ground using the chicken bones he had brought. During the night, the ground began to tremble and a voice from above quaked, waking the boy. "YOU HAVE DISOBEYED THY FATHER AND HAVE BROUGHT MUCH RATH TO THINE SELF. It was the great oracle, Hephaestus speaking. The boy was indignant. "Hephaestus, I am a man now and do not need advice from my father!"

Just then, the earth heaved greatly and the boy was thrown off his feet. The wind blew violently and the tent's chicken bone stakes snapped, sending the tent into the air and out of site. From high atop the rocks came a massive spew of volcanic ash that came pouring down on the boy, burying him up to his neck. "YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, YOUNG BOY. YOU SHOULD HAVE PURCHASED THE VARGO SHEPARD'S HOOK TITANIUM STAKES!" The boy was filled with contrition and said, "You are right, great Hephaestus. If you let me live, I shall spread the word of your magnificence throughout the land." "SO BE IT!" shouted Hephaestus, and at once the boy was back standing next to his tent as though it had all been a dream. But in place of the chicken bones were brand new Vargo Shepard's Hook Titanium Stakes.

The boy made it back to his village and spent the rest of his days making and giving away Vargo Titanium stakes to all who desired them. And he lived to a ripe old age of 42. (People died young back then.)

Officials are scurrying to set up a camping gear store next to the Parthenon to take advantage of the situation.

Freestyle Audio Waterproof MP3 Player

You love your music. You love it bad. But you got a problem. Your job and your music don't mix. It's been your lifelong dream to be a Conservation Technician (read: Aquarium Cleaner), but it's a major drag not to have your tunes 10 feet down there as you evade the sharks and stingrays to clean the glass aquarium walls. Sure, you enjoy the dolphins chatter, but they have no rhythm. And humming into your scuba mouthpiece just gave you a mouthful of water. So you're considering hanging up the fins and picking up the pooper-scooper. Don't do it. Live your dream and still enjoy your music with the Freestyle Audio Waterproof MP3 Player.

Rugged, durable, and waterproof, this MP3 player allows you to bring your favorite tunes anywhere. Completely submersible up to 10 ft. It's shockproof, durable design allows for skip free audio. And if someone happens to drop a toaster into the aquarium, your MP3 player will live on. (It will probably be given to your next of kin.)

The 1 Gig Freestyle holds and plays up to 320 songs, and features a built-in rechargeable battery with up to 30 hours playtime per charge, plenty of jamosity to get you through all the tanks at the zoo. And if you happen to drop it while trying to remove that stubborn squid goo, don't sweat it. The Freestyle floats!

PC/MAC compatible. Includes waterproof earbuds, arm strap (screen), USB cable, and user guide.

Seattle Sports AquaKnot 1800 Dry Bag/Backpack

Dear Canvas,

We shared some wonderful times over the years. You and I have been through a lot together. Remember the trip to Mexico? You hauled my heavy 4×5 camera all the way to the top of Chichen Itza and you never complained once. And when we went through the thick mangrove forests in Columbia, you came out all scratched, but relatively intact.
But I knew the good times had to come to an end. Our trip to the Oregon coast this winter revealed your true nature. Your attitude was all soggy and wet. You became dead weight to me as I struggled to get to the edge of the ocean at Ecola State Park. 

Since then, I knew our relationship was over, but now I just need closure. And I’ve met another that can give me that closure. Seattle Sports AquaKnot 1800 came into my life just when I needed it most. In fact AquaKnot gives me 3 kinds of closure. 

When I’m rafting and need side closure, AquaKnot offers detachable straps that cinch down to the sides of the bag, which connect to traditional top buckles.

When I’m feeling more traditional, AquaKnot give me a simple clip-together closure. All I have to do is roll three times and clip together in the center. 

And finally, when I’m cycling and I need a quick, clean closure but don’t need cinch-down waterproof protection, AquaKnot’s side straps clip off and the buckles hide to allow for a simple center-mounted over-the top Velcro®-style strap to keep the bag closed.

All in all, I’ve found the perfect companion. I’m sorry Canvas, but you and I knew it couldn’t last forever. There were too many holes in our relationship. 

Canvas, there’s one last thing you should know. You stink! (AquaKnot smells as nice as the day we met.)

Good luck and good bye.

Miriam

Vaude Astra 55+10 I Moss Backpack

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.

At the table in the kitchen, there were three backpacks laying on the table. Goldilocks was hungry for a new backpack, but it had to fit right. She tried on the first backpack.
"This backpack hurts my back!" she exclaimed.

So, tried on the second backpack.

"This backpack hurts my hips!" she said.

So, she tasted, er, tried on the last backpack--a Vaude Astra 55+10.

"Ahhh, this backpack is just right," she said happily and she started putting all her stuff in it--her awesome sleeping bag, a cool camp stove she had "found" earlier, and some bear claws for an afternoon snack. Then she noticed that there was some left over porridge sitting on the table, so she scarfed that up too. (Goldi had some issues.)

By this time she was pretty drowsy, so she laid out on the sofa and used her new Vaude Astra as a headrest. As she was sleeping, three bears came into the house. 

"Someone's been trying on my backpack AND eating my porridge!" growled the Papa bear.

"Someone's been trying on my backpack and eating MY porridge!" said the Mama bear.

"Someone's been trying on my backpack AND eating my porridge AND they're using my backpack for a headrest!" cried the Baby bear.
Just then, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. She screamed, "Holy Sh**!" and dove out the window (but not before putting on her Vaude Astra 55+10 backpack, which by the way cushioned her fall.) Luckily the Vaude Astra was so light, she was able to run really fast and those bears couldn't catch her. A few years later, Goldilocks was arrested for shoplifting a tent. She got two years of probation and a $1000 fine. She's appearing on the next season of Celebrity Rehap--Shoplifting Addiction.

-- THE END --

Black Diamond Glidelite Nylon STS Climbing

My friend Bill is an extreme environmentalist. He goes well beyond your average eco-conscious pragmatist. Bill not only separates his recyclables into paper, plastic, and glass, he actually sorts them by color, weight, and of course the little number inside the triangle that no one else understands. Bill once boycotted a grocery store chain because they used only 50% recycled materials in their reusable cloth shopping bags.

So when it came to Bill's passion, back-country skiing, he absolutely refused to use climbing skins, instead using old fashioned nordic wax (of course recycled wax.) Bill's reasoning was made clear by his statement to me, "I will not use anything that's been taken off the back of a poor defenseless seal. Sure, skins make steep climbs easier than wax, but my friends at Save the Seals would never forgive me if I switched." (Bill even said that he doesn't watch nature videos that feature seals because he feels the cameras are invading the seals' privacy.)

I finally pointed out to Bill that they don't make climbing skins out of sealskins anymore. In fact, they now make them out of nylon, which absorbs less water, ices up less, and has better glide than mohair or plastic skins. I went on to tell him that I recommend the Black Diamond Ascension Nylon STS Skins. The Black Diamond Ascension Nylon STS Skins are super-packable, lightweight and durable. They now have improved glide thanks to the redesigned printed plush material. The STS attachment system holds skins firmly in place with a glove-friendly elastomer strap and one-step camming tailpiece for simplicity and security.

Bill felt terrible for going on like that and offered me a free subscription to "Recycle World" magazine. I had to politely decline pointing out that it seemed kind of ironic that "Recycle World" magazine is printed on paper, which is destroying our forests. You could almost see the short-circuit that happened in Bill's brain as he let this information sink in. Bill is currently seeing a therapist for his conflicted conscious.

Glow Dog Reflective Jacket

When I was younger, we had a dog named Maggie. Mags was a Scottish Terrier. You know…a Scotty. She was a great dog. She loved to fetch and play tug of war. She was a little wary of strangers, but once you got to know her she would be your best friend. (In fact she just wouldn’t leave you alone.)
However, Mags had some faults. She didn’t like little kids. I think that’s because the neighborhood kids would stand just outside the reach of her chain and tease her. Those rotten punks. Bullies is what they were.
Another fault was Maggie’s obsession with anything moving. She liked her bikes, skateboards, rollerblades, and she especially liked her cars. She liked racing ‘em, chasing ‘em, and unfortunately she liked to get underneath the wheels. Yes, you guessed it. My poor little Maggie got run over by a car. You could hardly blame the driver. It was night time and Mags had gotten off the leash. I heard the screech and came running out. Mags was sitting in the middle of the road looking all dazed and confused. She got nailed pretty good. We almost lost her that night, but with a little help from our friends at the emergency vet clinic and a couple thousand dollars she was as good as new.
I’ve learned a lot about this experience. The first is, don’t get a black dog. But if you do, the second thing I’ve learned is to get yourself a Glow Dog Reflective Jacket. This weatherproof, lined jacket provides full-torso coverage, uses secure nylon straps with Velcro® closure. It’s made from polyester and microfiber materials that are Telfon® coated allowing greater breathability and moisture wicking. The lining is soft, durable and non-pilling. During the day the jacket is an attractive color, and at night the oncoming headlights reflect back to the driver who sees the entire item as bright white. This is because the fabric is embedded with millions of tiny mirrors” that reflect back to any light source. How amazing is that?

Life-Link Professional Snow Study Kit

We're sorry to hear that you lost your job. Your parents thought you were crazy when you told them you wanted to be a rodeo clown. But you're a man who follows through on your dreams (and you loved the idea of painting your face.) So you got yourself a pair of baggy britches, changed your name to Slim and headed out west to earn the big bucks. After 20 broken bones and countless hours spent doing the Ostrich Jockey, Devil in My Barrel, and Crazy Ambulance, you were told to hang up your chaps (the cowboys were complaining that you spent too much time inside the clown lounge and not enough time protecting them.)
So you're looking for a new line of work. How about becoming an Avalanche Forecaster? Instead of saving bronco busters, you can now save renegade, avalanche-starting snowboard jockeys. You'll need some whoop-daddy equipment though, so be sure to lasso some quality gear such as the Life-Link Professional Snow Study Kit.
The Life-Link Professional Snow Study Kit is used by snow controllers, backcountry skiers, snowmobilers, mountaineers and avalanche forecasters throughout the world. It includes Two Dial Stem Fahrenheit Thermometers, Slopemeter, Snow Crystal Card, Snow Pit Card, 25x Magnifier and an organizer to hold it all.
It'll be so dope to bust out the "I'm an AF" at parties. After they ask, "What's an AF?" you can go into detail ad nauseum. And the Arctic Cougars will really dig you.

Bota Bag

OK, so we've all known that guy that goes to the ballgame and 10 minutes into it, he reaches inside his coat and voila, he pulls out his wineskin thingamabob filled with a sweet elixer of unknown origin. He takes a swig of it and hands it to you with the universal gesture for "take a swig." If somebody at work handed you their coffee cup and said take a swig, you'd look at them like they were crazy. But in the carefree, anything goes confines of a football stadium you throw caution to the wind and level that calfskin-coated grail to your lips. The 90-proof grog immediately infuses your body with a warming goodness. Your buddy now gestures you to give it back. But you've fallen head-over-heels in love with this pleasure-giver and refuse its return. And as happens so often in these situations, the punches start flying and you end up in the holding tank beneath the stadium for the rest of the game. Is that how you want things to go? Hell no! You deserve better. That's why you need to get your own wineskin! The Bota Bag is the perfect choice. From Bota of Boulder, this classic design will last you a lifetime. It's a one-liter bag constructed with high-grade U.S.A. neoprene. It also floats when full and is an excellent insulator. Not that what you're drinking needs insulation, hehe. BTW, the purchaser, should that be you, agrees to hold-harmless BigFire Camping Gear for any legal action taken against the purchaser after using the Bota Bag. You're a grown-up after all.

Travel John Privacy Tent

So you desperately want to go camping, but your wife refuses to put herself through the nightmare that was your last camping trip. You remember what happened, don’t you? She woke up in the middle of the night and said she had to go to the bathroom. You gently reminded her that you had kindly set up the porta-potty just down the path behind the big oak. She cursed at you, rolled over and tried to hold it for a while. When that didn’t work, she scrambled for the flashlight and huffed out of the tent. A few minutes later, you heard a blood-curdling shriek and hurried footsteps as she dashed back to the tent. She screamed that there were “creepy squirmy things” all over the toilet and that as she was going, she could see a pair of animal eyes staring at her in the woods. She vowed never to come camping with you again and rolled over without so much as a good night.
While this might be a sign that your relationship has bigger problems, we have a good suggestion for getting the little lady back into the wilderness. May we offer the Travel John Privacy Tent. This wonderful invention will shield your better half from nature’s intrusions, giving her a sense of comfort and relief. She’ll come back to bed calm and kind. The perfect Stepford wife.
And it has other uses too! Use it as a shower room, changing room, hunting blind, or privacy shelter. The Privacy Tent comes with a KWIK Silver™ mechanism and unique umbrella frame that sets up in 5 seconds! Just pull 2 ropes and the tent just pops right out instantly. It can also be taken down in just a few seconds! The Privacy Tent has a dome cover and mesh roof panel and 3 windows for air ventilation. It also comes with privacy window flaps, inside storage pocket and carrying bag (7″ x 7″ x 28.5″ packed). Also included are 4 stakes for anchoring or 4 weight pockets if stakes are not used. The heavy duty frame weighs 7lbs. It has a center height of 6′ and the dimensions are 4′ x 4′ sq. ft. A 1 year limited warranty is included. It's on Sale too!

Reach The Summit Sale Going on Now!

In case you didn’t know, our “Reach The Summit” Sale is in full gear! Have you visited us yet? Don’t make me pull the guilt card on you like some relative you haven’t seen in a long while. And please don’t be like me…the kind of person that thinks about buying his sporting equipment in the season for which its intended. As we all know, the prices are the highest then. You should be buying your camping and climbing gear in the off-season when you can get some ridiculous deals. Take for instance our Outdoor Products Zenith Internal Frame Backpack.

This thing is sweet! It’s a top loading multi-day hiking pack. It includes a vertical zipper for easy access, oversized mesh pockets for easy storage and a separate sleeping bag compartment. And it’s hydration compatible to boot! You want to talk about space? It’s got a whopping 5,900 cubic inches! For those of you that struggle in math, that’s a lot of space. All this for only $49.99. (Hurry, only 6 left!)

Kenyon Polypropylene Long Underwear Set

We were skeptical at first when we heard of the new Vanishing Spray made by Disappearo Technologies. We've seen all movies like "Now You See Him, Now You Don't," the 1972 Disney classic where Kurt Russell invents a fluid that makes things invisible. (Don't confuse this movie with Russell's 1992 effort "Captain Ron" where he just didn't show up.) But after we tried it we were convinced. It works like a charm. Of course, we didn't want to get this spray in order to do evil things. Not that we didn't think of plenty. (At the top of the list was sneaking onto the Oprah set and planting a whoopie cushion under her seat.)

No, we wanted it only to better promote the clothing products we sell. As you can see in the picture here, we're wearing a nice Kenyon Polypropylene Long Underwear Set. But since we've used the Vanishing Spray on ourselves, the only thing you see is the underwear. See how well it stands out? Exactly.

Kenyon makes some of the best long underwear out there. Both the ribbed knit crew top and bottom are made of 100% polypropylene, which allows maximum stretch and comfort. And it will keep you warm on those cold winter days.

You're probably wondering where you can get the Vanishing Spray. Unfortunately, we cannot give that information out due to our agreement with the manufacturer. Our apologies.

Nikon Sportstar Binoculars

Green Pick-O-The-Week

So you’ve made the new year’s resolution to only buy only Green products this year. Good for you. (No, I don’t mean the color green. I’m mean earth friendly! What world do you live in, buddy? Why don’t you just jump into your Green Gremlin and drive to Ireland.)

Now, for those of you still reading this, you probably know you have to do a little more homework when you shop so you can find products that don’t contaminate the environment. We’re sure one of the first things on your list is a good pair of Binoculars. You’ll need this to make sure you’ve can see Al Gore clearly when he gives his speeches. These will also come in handy when you’re playing the game, “Spot the Prius” with your kids. Ahhh, such fun. For these times and others, we would suggest the Nikon 8×25 Sportstar Binoculars. The Sportstar comes with Eco-Glass optics that are free of both lead and arsenic. (It’s scary to think those OTHER binoculars have arsenic in them, isn’t it?) The Sportstar has been newly redesigned, is compact and lightweight, and comes with an attractive two-tone black and dark grey finish. The rubbercoating provides a comfortable grip and the multiple layers of anti-reflective compounds provide crisp, sharp viewing. Long eye relief makes the Sportstar the perfect compact choice for eyeglass wearers.

Add one more thing to the list of eco-peaceful products you own and the get Nikon Sportstar today!

Red Ledge Acadia Rain Jacket

If you've delayed in buying a decent rain coat, perhaps because of the cost involved in getting a decent one, stop looking and pick up a Red Ledge. Red Ledge Acadia rain coats come with 100% nylon coated with PVC material with electronically sealed seams for total waterproofness and durability. They also have front and back internal mesh for generous air flow, 2 way cargo pockets, and a extra large horizontal seamed hood with a visor. If you've ever had a hood without a visor built in, you know that it doesn't do a good job of keeping the rain out of your eyes. This one will. It also has adjustable velcro wrist cuffs, a tough plastic zipper with storm flaps and adjustable elastic drawcords with cordlocks.

Welcome to BigFire Camping Gear!

Just a quick note to say hi. I own BigFire Camping Gear Reviews. We review all manner of camping and outdoor gear and apparel. In the past, I've owned my own camping gear retail site, so I've had first person use of the types of products featured on this blog. 

So once again, welcome to BigFire. And Happy New Year!