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Hello...

I'm the person writing all of these witty product reviews for your enjoyment. If you like them, please make a comment in the comments section. Good, bad, indifferent, I don't care. I have a desperate need for attention and this a cry for help. I don't want to go back to writing boring product reviews such as, "it does this and that." But if no one cares, I might as well. Consider this a starving artist's sale. "Art" for the low, low price of FREE. And it's much better looking than that velvet Elvis picture you bought last week. I saw you buy it, so don't pretend it's not over your fireplace this very instant. (Isn't it weird how Elvis keeps staring at you no matter what part of the room you're in?)

So help a guy out. Read my camping gear reviews.

AMK Pocket Survival Pak

Admit it. You're one of those doomsdayers that think the end of the world is coming soon. Not sure what gave you that idea. Perhaps it was the meteoric rise in greenhouse gases that have eliminated much of the ice caps? Maybe it was the fact that now every Tom, Dick or Harry country can get their own nukes? Maybe you're a strict follower of the Mayan Eagle Bowl calendar which predicts the end of the world in 2012?

Well, talk is cheap, my friend. Actions speaker louder than words. [Insert additional Cliches here.] What you need is a plan. Say you're out walking the dog when it all goes down and you can't make it back to your survival shelter housing 3 years' worth of provisions. What will you do then, smart guy? I'd say the first smart thing you can do is carry the AMK Pocket Survival Pak. It's got everything you need to survive in the jungle - concrete or otherwise. Fish Hooks for catching fish out of Central Park Pond (sure they'll be contaminated, but a guy's got to eat), Duct Tape for extra padding on the soles of your shoes (post-apocolyptic pavement might be very hot), Tinder Quik for getting that fire going and cooking up some nice "Sewer Rat Stew," and tons more stuff. Just think, if you plan ahead and have a cameraman follow you wherever you go, you may just have the makings of another survivalist TV show! (Oops...sorry...no TVs left on planet.)

This Survival Pak, made by Adventure Medical Kits, weighs in at a miniscule 3.9 oz and is only 4" x 5" x 0.652" big so it'll fit nicely in your pants. Sure, you'll hear the joke "...or are you just happy to see me?" about a million times, but you'll have the last laugh when those guys come begging for you to catch 'em some fish.

As Karl Malden so famously said, "Don't leave home without it."

Here's what the AMK Pocket Survival Pak includes:

Duct Tape 1 - Duct Tape, 2" x 26" Instrument 1 - Pencil 4 - Safety Pins #3, 2" Sewing 1 - Heavy Duty Sewing Needle 1 - Heavy Duty Nylon Thread (50 ft.) Survival Instructions 1 - Waterproof Survival Instructions Survival Tools 1 - Aluminum Foil, Heavy Duty, 3 Sq. Ft. 1 - Compass, Button, Liquid Filled 4 - Fish Hook, #10 1 - Fresnel Lens Magnifier (2" x 3") 1 - Nylon Cord, #18, Braided, (10 ft. 150 lb test) 1 - Pocket Survival Pak Contents List 1 - Safety Wire, Stainless Steel, (6 ft of 0.020") 1 - Scalpel Blade #22 1 - Signal Mirror, Rescue Flash™ 1 - Snap Swivel, Size 12 1 - Spark-Lite™ Firestarter 2 - Sinkers, Tin 4 - Tinder Quik™ 2 - Waterproof Paper 1 - Whistle, Rescue Howler™

GSI nForm Dualist Ultralight Cook System

GSI nForm Dualist Ultralight Cook System

The folks that invented this baby must have been great at puzzles. When I started taking this apart, I felt like I was taking apart a Russian nested doll set.

The nForm Ultralight line has taken the unique needs of fast light backpacking and built a system of solutions that defy the notion that ultralight means making sacrifices.

The Dualist includes 2 insulated mugs and 2 bowls as well as all the other great features of the Soloist. It nests with stoves canisters too! Weight: 1lb 2.7oz.


The Dualist features:
* 1.8 L Pot
* Strainer Lid
* 2-20 fl. oz. insulated cups
* 2-20 fl. oz. bowls
* 2 Sip-It tops
* Stove Bag

GSI Glacier JavaPress

Sacre Bleu! What's with the French and their effete accents, their duvets, their bidets, and their fancy coffee? Excuse me, I meant café. Don't you just want to hate them? But you can't, because that coffee is so good! But how's a man to get good coffee like that when he's out in the wilderness? Well, the waiting is at an end. Now is the time to get yourself a GSI Glacier Stainless JavaPress.

The GSI Glacier JavaPress makes French Press coffee renowned for its elegant simplicity and a rich, smooth, pure taste that cannot be duplicated with drip, filter or percolator-type coffee makers.

The GSI JavaPress is a thermally-insulated, double-walled carafe with a pour-through lid to keep your coffee hotter longer. The durable Glacier Stainless® steel body and stable, high impact plastic base will give you years of reliable coffee in the outdoors.

Black Diamond Icon LED Headlamp

Dear Hiring Manager,

I would like to apply for the position of Everest Expedition Leader as listed on Craigslist with a post date of 3/16/15. After reviewing the requirements of the position, I feel my background is well-suited to the position.

While I have never lead an expedition of the scope and magnitude entailed in this position, I feel that my experience in other areas more than makes up for this. For the last 10 years, I have led trips comprised of several individuals to the coffee shop on the corner of our block. This has required immense organizational and leadership skill. Group members were required to meet at a designated rendezvous spot outside the building at 10:30 am. They were told to talk with no one on their way out, and if questioned were told to report they had a "client meeting." With only one exception this was carried out without incident.

Other skills I possess that would lend themselves well to this position include my ability to keep my balance whilst walking on the icy sidewalks near my home, the ability to light my cigarette while wearing heavy gloves, and my rope work ability gained through several years of using the rope tow at our local ski hill. (I am skilled in the use of the one-hand in front, one-hand in back technique that I am sure you require.)

Of particular note is my knowledge in the areas of lighting and proper headlamp usage. I currently possess the 320 lumen Black Diamond Icon headlamp, and have mastered the skills necessary to operate its QuadPower LED spotlight, two SinglePower white LEDs and two SinglePower red LEDs. I am also familiar with the power settings that include full strength (in proximity and distance modes), dimming, strobe, red night vision. This has come in particularly handy when using the lowest brightness level to speak directly with other team members and not wanting to blind them. I am also intimately familiar with the Icon's battery power meter.

It's for these reasons I believe you should hire me as your next Everest Expedition Leader. Please contact me as your earliest convenience. I look forward to speaking with you.

Sincerely,

Tim Bulb

ps: references available upon request.

Oregon Scientific Portable Public Alert Radio

Due to a writer's strike at BigFire Camping Gear, the following product review is being given by me, Jim Spergousy, the web designer.

I ain't no wordsmith like that other fella that writes in this blog. All's I know is that I'm supposed to write something about this here radio. I guess he figured that since I got one of these I oughta know what I'm talking about.

Well, all I really can tell you is I don't recommend leaving home without one. The WR601N Emergency Portable Weather Radio provides emergency alerts anywhere in the U.S. When you're camping, traveling, boating, hiking, or working outdoors, use the WR601N to receive weather information and emergency broadcasts from the NOAA and National Weather Service.

Let me give you an example of why you might wanna get one of these. Me and my buddy Glen went camping last summer. We didn't even think about checking what the weather was going to be like. Glen has this super waterproof tent that can practically float on water, so I figured whatever the heavens could bring on wouldn't be a match for us. Uh, well, I was wrong. A damn lighting bolt hit a tree right next to us, and that baby came straight down on our tent. Luckily it landed right between ol' Glen and me. But that tent was ruined. Boy, Glen was pissed. Oops, I mean mad. We ended up sleeping in the truck that night. My back is still screwed up from that.

Anyway, like I said, I'm no writer, but I do talk from experience. GET ONE OF THESE!

--Jim

Aquapac Camera Case

Dude! Wassup? How's your summer going? We totally missed you on our canoe trip last week. It was tight! I'm so knackered today though. Brandon was totally letting air biscuits fly all weekend. It was like one big bug bomb. Coop got so s-faced that he was barking at the ants Friday night. We got some good pics of that! And best of all--CJ and Sean swore they saw bigfoot at the edge of the river. Yeah, I said it. Bigfoot. They're all screaming and freaking out, and we're like, "What are you freaking out about, JO?" So CJ grabs his camera and jumps into the river thinking it's only a foot or two deep and he goes straight down. He popped back up and swam to the shore but by that time we were way down river and there was no bigfoot anywhere. I think they made the whole thing up. Anyway, his camera was totally buggered. Man he was hella-pissed. He now has something against bigfoot. What did bigfoot ever do to him? I told him to take it easy and next time he should get an Aquapac Case to make sure his camera doesn't get wet. Just think dude, we could have totally been famous, but CJ has to foul it up because he doesn't have an Aquapac Case. They're totally waterproof and are designed with ultra-clear optical quality acrylic lens that allows you to take photos directly through the case, keeping your camera protected at all times. Plus, it's guaranteed submersible to 15 ft. AND it floats safely in water! It also comes with an adjustable neckcord. Oh, and it's PVC free, which I guess is a good thing. Not sure why. Anyway, dude, we totally missed you. Trip of a lifetime. CJ's going back this weekend on a Bigfoot expedition. I told him to stay clear of the water. Ha! L8R, dude!

SPOT Satellite Personal Tracker

National Birdwatchers of America Newsletter - January 2015

Hello Members! Happy New Year! 2015 is going to be a very memorable year for our organization. We have several new initiatives that we think you'll be excited about. First, after much persistence and on-site protest, we have gained entry into the Umatilla Hunting Refuge so we may track the migration of the beautiful snow goose as it makes its way down from Canada. Members, be sure you wear your blaze orange vests if you decide to visit this area. We all remember what happened to Bill Johnson last year when he decided to go camo with that duck decoy stuck to his head. May God rest his soul.

Secondly, we now have access to the Mt. Hood National Forest, so for the first time you may be lucky enough to get a glimpse of the rare Comb-Over Eagle--a cousin of our nation's most treasured bird, the Bald Eagle. The only difficulty in finding this bird is that it prefers to nest near the peak of Mt. Hood. So we recommend the following equipment: Climbing Ropes, Harness, Carabiners, Ascenders, assorted other climbing gear, cold weather parka, your special fog-free binoculars with built in digital camera, and most of all, the SPOT Satellite Personal Tracker. The Spot Satellite Tracker uses a network of global satellites to track the users. You can press 3 different buttons to summon help. There is a 911 button that contacts a national Rescue center that is manned 24 hrs a day who will contact the proper rescue officials in your area; a HELP button that you can register on their website with up to 10 personal contacts for friends and family via phone or text messaging; and an OK button that a user with web access use to can track progress and location of the person with the Tracker.

One last thing, members! Remember, annual dues are coming up. We've been able to keep them at the same great rate of $949/year. Please get those payments in soon so we can keep providing you with this great information and keep you in touch with your passion of bird watching. And remember our slogan, "If You Don't Get Hit With Birdsh**, You're Not Looking Up!"

--Your faithful President,

Bruce Flutters

Celestron SkyScout Personal Planetarium

So you want to be an intellectual. Well forget it. Unless you can conversate about Keynesian economics or Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, you will be with the rest of us hoi polloi.

But what if you want to elevate yourself from bourgeois to aristocrat status? We've got the perfect device for you. The Celetron SkyScout. Take this baby to parties and you can be saying thing like, "You see that star? Yeah, that's named Nashira and it's in the Capricornus constellation." We can't guarantee it will make you more friends. In fact you might hear some people whispering things like, "what a know-it-all" or "he's full of sh**." But so what? They're just jealous. Who needs dimwits like them anyway? With the SkyScout you'll develop NEW friends that won't put you down for your superior knowledge of the galaxy.

The SkyScout is a revolutionary handheld device that uses advanced GPS technology with point and click convenience to instantly identify thousands of stars, planets, constellations and more. This is not a telescope but a pocket planetarium. Simply point at anything in the night sky and press identify and the answer pops up on the backlit LCD screen. Press locate and select from the pulldown screen what you are looking at and scan the sky, an Red LED blinks until you locate it. Choose to use the headphones and listen to the audio. It's got an SD card slot for the optional “SkyScout Expansion Cards,” audio presentations that provide hours of entertainment on a variety of topic. It also has a USB port, allowing the database to be updated with new objects as they are discovered, comets, etc.

The celestial database includes over 50,000 Stars, 1,500 Double and Variable Stars, all 88 constellations, over 100 deep space objects including Galaxies, Nebulae and Star Clusters, over 200 audio descriptions of the most popular celestial objects. 

Open Letter to Mr. Parker

Dear Mr. Parker:
 
I am writing to apologize for my part of what happened last weekend. I wanted you to know that our idea was just to have a simple camping trip but it kinda got out of control. I'll try and explain the way it happened.
My brother Rich, myself and our friends Brent S. and Dave M. were planning to go camping in the woods behind my house. We were very excited and we told a few people at school what we were going to do. Your daughter Jill and her friend Peggy said that sounded like fun, but we told them they couldn't come because it wouldn't be right to have girls on the same trip. 

We thought we had picked a very remote campsite, but when we got there it turns out Jill and Peggy were already there. We told them that as long as they stayed in their own tent and not our brand new Eureka! Tetragon 8 Tent, we wouldn't nark on them. 

It was getting pretty dark out by the time they tried to set up their tent and they just couldn't do it (you know girls and tents...) So they asked if they could come in ours. They were getting pretty scared after they said they heard bears coming through the woods (I think it was just squirrels), so we let them in. 

They were passing a bottle of what they said was "Kool-Aid" between them. We had NO IDEA that it was Boones Farm wine. And when you came up to our campsite and yelled "Is Jill here?" Jill didn't say, "Is that my f***ing dad?" She actually said, "I hope that's my dad." So please don't be too hard on Jill. And I sure would appreciate it if you didn't tell our parents about this. 

We love camping and our Eureka! Tetragon 8 Tent and wouldn't want it taken away from us

Sincerely,

Derek Hines, 9th grade, Lincoln Junior High

p.s. Jill and Peggy were only wearing bras and panties because their clothes had gotten covered in poison ivy.

Injinji Outdoor 2.0 Original Weight Crew NuWool

Okay, you've got to admit it, you want to put these socks on. Just to know what it feels like to have each of your toes fitted like a glove. Sure it looks funny, but hey, if it's warm, your feet will thank you.

Injinji Outdoor 2.0 NuWool Original Weight Crew Socks are designed to separate you toes allowing for free movement of your foot from heel to toe. Eliminating skin-on-skin contact prevents hot spots and blisters! 70% Nuwool, 25% Nylon, 5% Spande-Flex SM: men's 5-7.5, wmn's 6-8.5. MD: men's: 8-10.5, wmn's 9-11.5, LG: men's 11-13, wmn's 12+ XL: men's 13+.

Outdoor Products Power Pack Daypack 3.0

Anyone looking for the ultimate college student backpack? Outdoor Products makes the Power Pack Daypack 3.0. It's perfect for all the items you bring to class. Large main pocket holds notebooks, files, media folders, books, magazines and other similar-sized items and also includes 3 zip organizer pockets. Additional organizer pocket has numerous slot, zip, neoprene and mesh pockets for digital gear; securely stash your tablet in its own foam-padded slot pocket and keys on a fob.
Hidden compartment behind pack straps holds passport and plane tickets in a retractable sleeve; hidden lower compartment at lower back hides a wallet. Exterior pocket with stretch gussets on front holds lunch and jacket; 3 padded fleece-lined exterior pockets store fragile items. It's got a breathable padded back panel; padded shoulder straps; sternum strap  It comes in two colors: Black and Majolica Blue, and is decent sized at 1470cu.

YakTrax Pro Ice Cleats

New Year's Resolution

Earn some quick money using the following method:

Step 1. Wait for moderately snowy, rainy or icy day.
Step 2. Find retail business selling high-priced goods such as jewelry or furs.
Step 3. Enter establishment and proceed to fall due to "slippery" floor.
Step 4. File claim with said establishment's insurance company.
Step 5. Claim extreme back pain, which causes loss of movement range as well as loss of consortium between myself and the wife. Ask for $500,000.
Step 6. Settle for $250,000.
Step 7. Take the year of 2014 off. Go on vacation.

If you haven't fiendishly plotted this for your New Year's resolution and instead just want to get around town this winter without spending much of it on your kiester, you may want to invest in a pair of Yaxtrax Ice Cleats. And really, if you did go ahead with the above plan, that's a once-in-lifetime trick that you won't be able to pull off again, so you might as well walk around town in supreme gripping confidence. No more tip-toeing or baby steps waiting for "the slip." Steven Wright said it best..."You know that feeling you get when you lean back on your chair and you almost tip over, but you catch yourself at the last moment? I feel like that all the time." You don't have to feel like that any more if you get yourself some Yaktrax.

Yaktrax have a unique, spikeless, patented coil design, unlike other products on the market. Made with high strength, abrasion resistant 1.4 mm steel coils and heavy duty natural rubber material, the Yaktrax Pro easily conforms to the shape of your boot or shoe. With its patented SkidLock coil design, the Yaktrax Pro provides 360 degrees of traction on packed snow and ice and can be worn in temperatures as low as -41° Fahrenheit. (Don't ask us where the figure of -41° came from. It's top secret.)

Time for you to earn an honest living and striding confidently toward your destiny in a pair of Yaxtraxs Ice Cleats.

Pacsafe Antitheft Backpack Protector

How many stories have you heard about someone's backpack being stolen while they were traveling? Finally, someone came out with a cool product to protect your travel belongings. Introducing the Pacsafe Antitheft Backpack Protector. Featuring patented eXomesh® Ultimate security technology, the PacSafe is an adjustable high-tensile stainless steel locking device, designed to cover and protect a variety of bags and packs from tampering, pilfering and theft. Throw it around your pack, secure it to something fixed and get on with your adventure. Four sizes mean there's one to fit almost every type of backpack, soft-sided wheeled luggage or duffel bag. Designed for large packs, medium-sized packs with externally fitted gear, large duffels and soft sided wheeled luggage. Perfect for loaded trips or extended touring. The PacSafe 85 (the mid size model) was awarded Backpacker Magazine's coveted Editors' Choice Award.

Primus Multi-Fuel EX Backpack Stove

Get the Primus Multi-Fuel EX! With its new burner, the Multi Fuel EX has a higher output and functions better in cold temperatures. Runs on cartridge (LP gas), gasoline, and kerosene fuels (won't simmer on liquid fuels). The MFS features a built-in preheating system and has been tested at greater heights and at more extreme temperatures than any other stove. Includes redesigned windscreen, ErgoPump, multitool, nylon bag. Fuel bottle not included. Dimensions: 6.5" x 3.5" x 3.4". Boiling Time (1 liter): 3.5-4.5 min. Output: 3,000 W/10,500 BTU. Weight: 12.6 oz. (w/o pump), 16.3 oz (w/ pump). Find it at here.

Travel John Privacy Tent

So you desperately want to go camping, but your wife refuses to put herself through the nightmare that was your last camping trip. You remember what happened, don’t you? She woke up in the middle of the night and said she had to go to the bathroom. You gently reminded her that you had kindly set up the porta-potty just down the path behind the big oak. She cursed at you, rolled over and tried to hold it for a while. When that didn’t work, she scrambled for the flashlight and huffed out of the tent. A few minutes later, you heard a blood-curdling shriek and hurried footsteps as she dashed back to the tent. She screamed that there were “creepy squirmy things” all over the toilet and that as she was going, she could see a pair of animal eyes staring at her in the woods. She vowed never to come camping with you again and rolled over without so much as a good night.
While this might be a sign that your relationship has bigger problems, we have a good suggestion for getting the little lady back into the wilderness. May we offer the Travel John Privacy Tent. This wonderful invention will shield your better half from nature’s intrusions, giving her a sense of comfort and relief. She’ll come back to bed calm and kind. The perfect Stepford wife.
And it has other uses too! Use it as a shower room, changing room, hunting blind, or privacy shelter. The Privacy Tent comes with a KWIK Silver™ mechanism and unique umbrella frame that sets up in 5 seconds! Just pull 2 ropes and the tent just pops right out instantly. It can also be taken down in just a few seconds! The Privacy Tent has a dome cover and mesh roof panel and 3 windows for air ventilation. It also comes with privacy window flaps, inside storage pocket and carrying bag (7″ x 7″ x 28.5″ packed). Also included are 4 stakes for anchoring or 4 weight pockets if stakes are not used. The heavy duty frame weighs 7lbs. It has a center height of 6′ and the dimensions are 4′ x 4′ sq. ft. A 1 year limited warranty is included. It's on Sale too!

Reach The Summit Sale Going on Now!

In case you didn’t know, our “Reach The Summit” Sale is in full gear! Have you visited us yet? Don’t make me pull the guilt card on you like some relative you haven’t seen in a long while. And please don’t be like me…the kind of person that thinks about buying his sporting equipment in the season for which its intended. As we all know, the prices are the highest then. You should be buying your camping and climbing gear in the off-season when you can get some ridiculous deals. Take for instance our Outdoor Products Zenith Internal Frame Backpack.

This thing is sweet! It’s a top loading multi-day hiking pack. It includes a vertical zipper for easy access, oversized mesh pockets for easy storage and a separate sleeping bag compartment. And it’s hydration compatible to boot! You want to talk about space? It’s got a whopping 5,900 cubic inches! For those of you that struggle in math, that’s a lot of space. All this for only $49.99. (Hurry, only 6 left!)

Kenyon Polypropylene Long Underwear Set

We were skeptical at first when we heard of the new Vanishing Spray made by Disappearo Technologies. We've seen all movies like "Now You See Him, Now You Don't," the 1972 Disney classic where Kurt Russell invents a fluid that makes things invisible. (Don't confuse this movie with Russell's 1992 effort "Captain Ron" where he just didn't show up.) But after we tried it we were convinced. It works like a charm. Of course, we didn't want to get this spray in order to do evil things. Not that we didn't think of plenty. (At the top of the list was sneaking onto the Oprah set and planting a whoopie cushion under her seat.)

No, we wanted it only to better promote the clothing products we sell. As you can see in the picture here, we're wearing a nice Kenyon Polypropylene Long Underwear Set. But since we've used the Vanishing Spray on ourselves, the only thing you see is the underwear. See how well it stands out? Exactly.

Kenyon makes some of the best long underwear out there. Both the ribbed knit crew top and bottom are made of 100% polypropylene, which allows maximum stretch and comfort. And it will keep you warm on those cold winter days.

You're probably wondering where you can get the Vanishing Spray. Unfortunately, we cannot give that information out due to our agreement with the manufacturer. Our apologies.

Nikon Sportstar Binoculars

Green Pick-O-The-Week

So you’ve made the new year’s resolution to only buy only Green products this year. Good for you. (No, I don’t mean the color green. I’m mean earth friendly! What world do you live in, buddy? Why don’t you just jump into your Green Gremlin and drive to Ireland.)

Now, for those of you still reading this, you probably know you have to do a little more homework when you shop so you can find products that don’t contaminate the environment. We’re sure one of the first things on your list is a good pair of Binoculars. You’ll need this to make sure you’ve can see Al Gore clearly when he gives his speeches. These will also come in handy when you’re playing the game, “Spot the Prius” with your kids. Ahhh, such fun. For these times and others, we would suggest the Nikon 8×25 Sportstar Binoculars. The Sportstar comes with Eco-Glass optics that are free of both lead and arsenic. (It’s scary to think those OTHER binoculars have arsenic in them, isn’t it?) The Sportstar has been newly redesigned, is compact and lightweight, and comes with an attractive two-tone black and dark grey finish. The rubbercoating provides a comfortable grip and the multiple layers of anti-reflective compounds provide crisp, sharp viewing. Long eye relief makes the Sportstar the perfect compact choice for eyeglass wearers.

Add one more thing to the list of eco-peaceful products you own and the get Nikon Sportstar today!

Red Ledge Acadia Rain Jacket

If you've delayed in buying a decent rain coat, perhaps because of the cost involved in getting a decent one, stop looking and pick up a Red Ledge. Red Ledge Acadia rain coats come with 100% nylon coated with PVC material with electronically sealed seams for total waterproofness and durability. They also have front and back internal mesh for generous air flow, 2 way cargo pockets, and a extra large horizontal seamed hood with a visor. If you've ever had a hood without a visor built in, you know that it doesn't do a good job of keeping the rain out of your eyes. This one will. It also has adjustable velcro wrist cuffs, a tough plastic zipper with storm flaps and adjustable elastic drawcords with cordlocks.