Celestron SkyScout Personal Planetarium

So you want to be an intellectual. Well forget it. Unless you can conversate about Keynesian economics or Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, you will be with the rest of us hoi polloi.

But what if you want to elevate yourself from bourgeois to aristocrat status? We've got the perfect device for you. The Celetron SkyScout. Take this baby to parties and you can be saying thing like, "You see that star? Yeah, that's named Nashira and it's in the Capricornus constellation." We can't guarantee it will make you more friends. In fact you might hear some people whispering things like, "what a know-it-all" or "he's full of sh**." But so what? They're just jealous. Who needs dimwits like them anyway? With the SkyScout you'll develop NEW friends that won't put you down for your superior knowledge of the galaxy.

The SkyScout is a revolutionary handheld device that uses advanced GPS technology with point and click convenience to instantly identify thousands of stars, planets, constellations and more. This is not a telescope but a pocket planetarium. Simply point at anything in the night sky and press identify and the answer pops up on the backlit LCD screen. Press locate and select from the pulldown screen what you are looking at and scan the sky, an Red LED blinks until you locate it. Choose to use the headphones and listen to the audio. It's got an SD card slot for the optional “SkyScout Expansion Cards,” audio presentations that provide hours of entertainment on a variety of topic. It also has a USB port, allowing the database to be updated with new objects as they are discovered, comets, etc.

The celestial database includes over 50,000 Stars, 1,500 Double and Variable Stars, all 88 constellations, over 100 deep space objects including Galaxies, Nebulae and Star Clusters, over 200 audio descriptions of the most popular celestial objects. 

Open Letter to Mr. Parker

Dear Mr. Parker:
 
I am writing to apologize for my part of what happened last weekend. I wanted you to know that our idea was just to have a simple camping trip but it kinda got out of control. I'll try and explain the way it happened.
My brother Rich, myself and our friends Brent S. and Dave M. were planning to go camping in the woods behind my house. We were very excited and we told a few people at school what we were going to do. Your daughter Jill and her friend Peggy said that sounded like fun, but we told them they couldn't come because it wouldn't be right to have girls on the same trip. 

We thought we had picked a very remote campsite, but when we got there it turns out Jill and Peggy were already there. We told them that as long as they stayed in their own tent and not our brand new Eureka! Tetragon 8 Tent, we wouldn't nark on them. 

It was getting pretty dark out by the time they tried to set up their tent and they just couldn't do it (you know girls and tents...) So they asked if they could come in ours. They were getting pretty scared after they said they heard bears coming through the woods (I think it was just squirrels), so we let them in. 

They were passing a bottle of what they said was "Kool-Aid" between them. We had NO IDEA that it was Boones Farm wine. And when you came up to our campsite and yelled "Is Jill here?" Jill didn't say, "Is that my f***ing dad?" She actually said, "I hope that's my dad." So please don't be too hard on Jill. And I sure would appreciate it if you didn't tell our parents about this. 

We love camping and our Eureka! Tetragon 8 Tent and wouldn't want it taken away from us

Sincerely,

Derek Hines, 9th grade, Lincoln Junior High

p.s. Jill and Peggy were only wearing bras and panties because their clothes had gotten covered in poison ivy.

Injinji Outdoor 2.0 Original Weight Crew NuWool

Okay, you've got to admit it, you want to put these socks on. Just to know what it feels like to have each of your toes fitted like a glove. Sure it looks funny, but hey, if it's warm, your feet will thank you.

Injinji Outdoor 2.0 NuWool Original Weight Crew Socks are designed to separate you toes allowing for free movement of your foot from heel to toe. Eliminating skin-on-skin contact prevents hot spots and blisters! 70% Nuwool, 25% Nylon, 5% Spande-Flex SM: men's 5-7.5, wmn's 6-8.5. MD: men's: 8-10.5, wmn's 9-11.5, LG: men's 11-13, wmn's 12+ XL: men's 13+.

Outdoor Products Power Pack Daypack 3.0

Anyone looking for the ultimate college student backpack? Outdoor Products makes the Power Pack Daypack 3.0. It's perfect for all the items you bring to class. Large main pocket holds notebooks, files, media folders, books, magazines and other similar-sized items and also includes 3 zip organizer pockets. Additional organizer pocket has numerous slot, zip, neoprene and mesh pockets for digital gear; securely stash your tablet in its own foam-padded slot pocket and keys on a fob.
Hidden compartment behind pack straps holds passport and plane tickets in a retractable sleeve; hidden lower compartment at lower back hides a wallet. Exterior pocket with stretch gussets on front holds lunch and jacket; 3 padded fleece-lined exterior pockets store fragile items. It's got a breathable padded back panel; padded shoulder straps; sternum strap  It comes in two colors: Black and Majolica Blue, and is decent sized at 1470cu.

YakTrax Pro Ice Cleats

New Year's Resolution

Earn some quick money using the following method:

Step 1. Wait for moderately snowy, rainy or icy day.
Step 2. Find retail business selling high-priced goods such as jewelry or furs.
Step 3. Enter establishment and proceed to fall due to "slippery" floor.
Step 4. File claim with said establishment's insurance company.
Step 5. Claim extreme back pain, which causes loss of movement range as well as loss of consortium between myself and the wife. Ask for $500,000.
Step 6. Settle for $250,000.
Step 7. Take the year of 2014 off. Go on vacation.

If you haven't fiendishly plotted this for your New Year's resolution and instead just want to get around town this winter without spending much of it on your kiester, you may want to invest in a pair of Yaxtrax Ice Cleats. And really, if you did go ahead with the above plan, that's a once-in-lifetime trick that you won't be able to pull off again, so you might as well walk around town in supreme gripping confidence. No more tip-toeing or baby steps waiting for "the slip." Steven Wright said it best..."You know that feeling you get when you lean back on your chair and you almost tip over, but you catch yourself at the last moment? I feel like that all the time." You don't have to feel like that any more if you get yourself some Yaktrax.

Yaktrax have a unique, spikeless, patented coil design, unlike other products on the market. Made with high strength, abrasion resistant 1.4 mm steel coils and heavy duty natural rubber material, the Yaktrax Pro easily conforms to the shape of your boot or shoe. With its patented SkidLock coil design, the Yaktrax Pro provides 360 degrees of traction on packed snow and ice and can be worn in temperatures as low as -41° Fahrenheit. (Don't ask us where the figure of -41° came from. It's top secret.)

Time for you to earn an honest living and striding confidently toward your destiny in a pair of Yaxtraxs Ice Cleats.