March 17, 2009 Athens, Greece --Officials today unearthed one of Aesop's lost fables carved on a stone tablet that was found buried under a porta-potty near the Parthenon.
The fable is already being considered one of Aesop's greatest works. It is the story of a boy that told his father that he was going to travel the world to seek his fame and riches. With his father's blessing the boy packed his mule with all the things he thought he would need for the long journey. Among these items were his sleeping mat, an alpaca fur blanket, a pillow made of ostrich feathers, and a burlap tent. When his father asked him how he planned to secure the tent to the ground, the boy replied, "I will use these stakes made of chicken bones. They will hold." The wise father responded, "My boy, I love you, but you have the brains of an auroch if you think that will hold your tent in place. The gods test such travelers as you, and mark my word son, this will be your undoing." "Father, I appreciate your concern, but I am a man of the world now and must travel light to go as far as I possibly can," the son responded.
So off the boy went. The boy had traveled 30 nights without event, when he came upon a large outcropping of rock. "I shall make camp here tonight and start fresh tomorrow." The boy set up his tent and staked it to the ground using the chicken bones he had brought. During the night, the ground began to tremble and a voice from above quaked, waking the boy. "YOU HAVE DISOBEYED THY FATHER AND HAVE BROUGHT MUCH RATH TO THINE SELF. It was the great oracle, Hephaestus speaking. The boy was indignant. "Hephaestus, I am a man now and do not need advice from my father!"
Just then, the earth heaved greatly and the boy was thrown off his feet. The wind blew violently and the tent's chicken bone stakes snapped, sending the tent into the air and out of site. From high atop the rocks came a massive spew of volcanic ash that came pouring down on the boy, burying him up to his neck. "YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, YOUNG BOY. YOU SHOULD HAVE PURCHASED THE VARGO SHEPARD'S HOOK TITANIUM STAKES!" The boy was filled with contrition and said, "You are right, great Hephaestus. If you let me live, I shall spread the word of your magnificence throughout the land." "SO BE IT!" shouted Hephaestus, and at once the boy was back standing next to his tent as though it had all been a dream. But in place of the chicken bones were brand new Vargo Shepard's Hook Titanium Stakes.
The boy made it back to his village and spent the rest of his days making and giving away Vargo Titanium stakes to all who desired them. And he lived to a ripe old age of 42. (People died young back then.)
Officials are scurrying to set up a camping gear store next to the Parthenon to take advantage of the situation.
